Transforming and Effective Communication
by Cultivating our Authenticity and Learning to Drop our Judgements
Learn how to:
- Resolve conflicts with ease.
- Ask for what you want without fear
- Bring energy into your conversations
- Deepen your personal and professional relationships
- Change habits of the past to the passion of the present
Do you want to make your life a bit more wonderful? Wonder why it is not as wonderful as you might like?
Most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand, and diagnose — to think and communicate in terms of what is "right" and "wrong" with people. We express our feelings in terms of what another person has "done to us," instead of taking responsibility for our feelings, independent of another person.
We struggle to understand our own needs in the moment, or to effectively ask for what we want without using unhealthy demands, threats, or coercion. All of us struggle to some extent with not acting from our best selves.
All of us are cultured to some extent to function in our society this way, and when we come to live in community together, we find that despite our very best intentions and highest ideals, our interactions are not reflective of those intentions or ideals. For most of us this is simply unacceptable, and we either find ourselves withdrawing from community or struggling to find a better way.
While the 4-Part NVC Process provides a very effective framework to transform the way we communicate, there is no way that focusing simply on the words you use will yield anything other than a stilted and inauthentic technique – another technique to master.
The real secret is that the universal effectiveness of NVC lies in a practice that involves shifting the intention you bring to the interaction — not on a rigid technique. Pan Vera has been describes as a master in leading people through the steps which help each individual feel how this works in reality and discovering how to express it in their own "voice".
Compassionate Communication begins with a recognition of and welcoming of our own blaming and judging, not wallowing in it, but applying self-empathy as a way of identifying true feelings which underlie the triggers we encounter from others. From there the following steps unfold organically.
While simple, this shift in emphasis has a profound impact.
Even if only one party engages in NVC, they can create an environment of emotional safety — whether the interaction is taking place in the home, work. With this foundation of emotional safety which starts with one's own self, tension and conflict can be defused, feelings and experiences can be expressed without blame, emotional pain and anger can find relief, and ultimately mutually satisfying outcomes can be achieved.
" About 2 years ago I chose to participate in a teleconferencing workshop, "Compassionate Communication," over 8 weeks. Pan Vera was the trainer. Having attended a workshop that Emily Gould offered our community prior to that, I had learned that how we think and communicate with each other affects our relationships, our families, our communities, and it all begins with us. In my life, I had had times where I thought I was not understood or heard, and felt frustrated at not being able to meet my emotional and daily needs. I wanted more of what I took away from Emily's workshop! The weeks working with Pan, spent thinking and practicing, making a shift in how I communicate, has manifested into better relationships in my life, more meaningful, and helped me in places when others may have a very different agenda as well as style of communication than I. I often wonder, if we cannot have respectful compassionate communication with those close to us, how can we expect this in the world? I hope to join you Sunday, to hear Pan's thoughts.
Sincerely, Bernadette Rose, friend of Barre UU" 12/27/2013